An Experiment in Prayer

I have heard dozens of teachings on "the Lord's Prayer" (also called "the Model Prayer") found in Matthew 6:6-13. This is in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount, in a sequence of statements in which Jesus says "you have heard" some teaching from the Old Testament or the Pharisees, "but I say to you" something even more demanding for righteousness. In this particular paragraph, He's teaching about prayer. He then tells them to pray "this way," and begins the familiar prayer, "Our Father in heaven, may your name be honored..." Or perhaps your more familiar with a different translation, "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed by Thy name..."

In these dozens of teachings, I heard very careful (and accurate) analyses of each phrase and how we ought to pray that way, because Jesus said, "Pray this way." I value all the teaching I've received on this.

But I want to add a different angle to the mix, not to replace the good teaching, but to supplement it. Given that Jesus is continually discipling His followers to form them into people who resemble Him well, we can assume He is doing this formation as He teaches us to pray. So, in this model prayer, He's not only telling us how to approach God in prayer, but He's also trying to form us into a particular kind of people. Through praying, He wants us to be changed. He gives us prayer not only as a way to dialog with God, but also as a means to be discipled into Christlikeness.

So, let's look at the Model Prayer in terms of what Jesus wants us to become, and then look at how it might affect praying for something specific. For our purposes, I choose a troubled relationship to pray about as an example.

Fearing (Our Father in heaven, may your name be honored,)

God wants us to be fearing, to be people who fear, honor, and respect God with a sense of awe. This opening to the prayer is not instruction on how to "butter up" God for your requests, but to be a particular kind of person, approaching Him in prayer with a particular attitude and self-awareness.

In the example of praying about a strained relationship, I might pray, "Father, may the way I approach this relationship bring you honor. May our friendship be worthy of Your awesome and mighty name. Make me to be a person who brings honor to You with my friendships." This is a very different prayer than, "Lord, change this person" or "Father, help me to be more tolerant of this jerk."

Missional (may your kingdom come,)

God wants us to be missional, to have His Kingdom be our life goal, our every aspiration. He wants us to carry out the Great Commission of making disciples of all nations. He wants us to use our time, talents, and treasures for the good of His Kingdom, to live here and now based on the Kingdom's values, and to bring tangible elements of the Kingdom to those around us - for His Kingdom to manifest in part now and then to come in full later.

Therefore, I might pray, "Lord, my relationship right now is not running according to the character of your Kingdom. May your Kingdom come into this relationship, and may the two of us collaborate to advance Your Kingdom. May our relationship now be just like it will be when Your Kingdom has fully arrived." This is more immediate than praying that the end of time would come soon so that the Kingdom would be fully established, and then I don't have to suffer this person's annoying behavior any longer!

Submissive (may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.)

God wants us to be submissive, to surrender our will to His. Jesus did this beautifully in the Garden of Gethsemane just before He was crucified by praying, "Not my will, but Yours be done."

I could pray, "Lord, I'm not really submissive to you right now in my relationship with so-and-so. Regardless of this person's problems, I'm not really pulling for your will in this - I want mine. Change me to be eager for Your will in this relationship. I surrender ... I want to be a fully surrendered person, even in this." Wow - this one hurts when praying about a relationship!

Dependent (Give us today our daily bread,)

God wants us to be dependent, which is brilliantly captured with the idea of daily bread - the stuff I need to get through just one day. And then the next day, I'll depend on God some more. This is the kind of person God wants us to be.

So, my prayer changes. "Father, I have been relying on myself and on my fleshly strength, and worse, I have been pursuing what my selfishness wants in this relationship. You want me to rely on You for this relationship, for You to give me the love, the patience, and the attitude. I need You for this relationship to be healthy. Help me to love well. I depend on You for this relationship. Let me walk dependently in all my relationships."

Free (and forgive us our debts, as we ourselves have forgiven our debtors.)

God wants us to be free - free from our sins ("debts") through forgiveness, but also free from the sins against us (by our "debtors") through forgiving them. Only through forgiveness that we first receive and then grant can we be truly free people.

Then I should pray, "Lord, the relationship between You and me is based on forgiveness. In this case, it's all You forgiving me. My relationship with this other person will only be to Your pleasure through the same forgiveness. But in this case, that's each of us forgiving the other. Help me to be changed by Your forgiveness, to grant forgiveness freely to the other, and even to receive the forgiveness that the other offers me. Help me to be a forgiving kind of friend always."

Holy (And do not lead us into temptation,)

God wants us to be holy, to avoid sin and to escape the temptations to enter into sin. His forgiveness makes us holy through the blood of Christ, but holy living on a daily basis as our practice requires us to change our practices, too. In the Model Prayer, Jesus instructs us to pray for God to help us be holy.

So, I would pray, "Father, in this relationship, I have impure, hurtful, judgmental, and sometimes hateful thoughts. Lead me away from that, not just to have a better relationship, but because of who You want me to be in this relationship - a person who lives according to holiness, even in my friendships."

Rescued (but deliver us from the evil one.)
Finally, God wants us to be rescued (which is what deliver means in this verse). In other words, He wants us to live knowing that He rescued us from ourselves, and so we are a perpetually rescued people, in God's blessings only because of his mercy to rescue us. It's the blood of Jesus that rescued us, so every breath we take was purchased by the rescuing blood. We have an enemy who opposes us because we follow Christ - we have been rescued from him, but also need daily rescue from his continued attacks. We live perpetually with a rescued identity, which should keep us humble.

Therefore, my prayer might be, "Lord, I need rescue in this relationship. Satan wants to have us at each others' throats, and frankly, I've been pretty accommodating. I need rescue from my anger and my desire to 'even the score' with this person. But I have been rescued by Christ, and I also need rescue in this moment. Help me to always live out all my relationships as a rescued one."

# # #

This is not radically different from other teachings we've received, and I would be worried if it was. It is, rather, a different entry point into the same model prayer - to focus the ideas of this prayer onto who God wants me to be, to see the characteristics Jesus is developing in us by praying as He prayed and turning those characteristics into the heart of prayer.

So, I'm conducting a little experiment for a while. Not forever. I'm not saying that this is the way for me to pray for the rest of my life. But I'm going to experiment until the experiment runs dry by intentionally praying along these lines. Already I've seen some barriers broken in my prayer life and in my daily life, simply because I'm praying in a different way. I'm eager to see how the experiment goes.

For this experiment, I've printed out the following list just to remind me. You might print this out and stick it in your Bible and guide your prayers through this for a while. Experiment some yourself.

God wants us to be:

Fearing (Our Father in heaven, may your name be honored,)
Missional (may your kingdom come,)
Submissive (may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.)
Dependent (Give us today our daily bread,)
Free (and forgive us our debts, as we ourselves have forgiven our debtors.)
Holy (And do not lead us into temptation,)
Rescued (but deliver us from the evil one.)

God of Comfort

A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.

-- English proverb

I came across this proverb earlier this week, and loved its potent simplicity. We instantly know it to be true, and it's far more elegant than a simple statement of fact, "Sailors become skilled through rough seas."

Everything in this statement is premised on the goal - a skillful sailor. That's what we want most out of sailor! If we're in the boat, we can excuse just about everything else if the sailor is skillful. Given the choice between a really polite unskilled sailor and a salty, brash, skilled sailor, we'd take the skilled one every time, especially in rough seas. Unless, of course, we're not in the boat. Then we just want him to be nice.

If this proverb is generally true, then why do we pray for God to give us "smooth seas" more than for Him to make us into "skillful sailors"?

Like the proverb, everything about prayer is premised on the goal. According to our prayers, it seems our goal is all too often that we would have smooth sailing. "Lord, just make the interview go smoothly. Just help the move be without any troubles. Just let my conversation with the principal to go OK. Just lower those waves a bit ... no ... a lot."

But that's not Jesus' goal for us. His goal for you is that you increasingly resemble Him in every way possible, much like a skillful sailor, experienced in navigating life as a follower, even when the swells are high. If that's the goal, then everything about prayer should be premised on that, praying for God to make us more Christlike rather than asking Him to take away the rough seas that produce skillful sailors.

A Christlike follower is what Jesus wants most out of a follower. If we're "in the boat," committed to the life of following Christ, then it's what we should want most, too - for ourselves and others. Unless, of course, we're not in the boat, unconcerned about the purpose of the sea. Then smooth seas are about the only thing left to pray for.

Guide your prayers toward the goal Jesus has ... as you pray for yourself, for your family and those closest to you, for your fellow believer, and for those who do not know Jesus. Pray for God to develop skillful sailors, and also pray for the rough seas necessary to make them so. When the seas are already rough, pray first for the rough seas to hone the skills of the sailor, and then for the waves to subside. We don't need to pray for hardship and heartache. We certainly don't need to develop a martyr mentality. However, we can certainly set our prayers on what Jesus wants most.

God is the "God of Comfort." That does not mean He's the God of comfortableness, but that He comforts those who are afflicted and overwhelmed. If you are feeling overwhelmed right now, the waves are crashing over the rails, I'm not lowering the boom and expecting you to buck up and just grow. "To the task, you scurvy dog ... Arrrrrrr!!!!" There are times when we just need comfort from the God of Comfort.

On the other hand, I do want to keep a weather eye to the horizon of discipleship and check ourselves that we're not praying for God to take away the rough seas He intends for the purpose of making skillful sailors.

Devoted vs. Devotion

Consider the following passages:

Acts 2:42 And they were devoting themselves to the teaching of the apostles and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayers.

Acts 6:4 But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.

Rom 12:12 ... rejoicing in hope, enduring in affliction, being devoted to prayer,

1 Cor 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement, for a time, in order that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and then you should be together again, lest Satan tempt you because of your lack… 

Col 4:2 Be devoted to prayer, keeping alert in it with thanksgiving...

Five passages talking about being devoted to prayer. In Acts 2, the first believers made it a habit. In Acts 6, the elders of the church commissioned deacons so that they could do it. Paul instructs the church in Romans 12 and Colossians 4 to do it, and he instructs husband and wife to make special time in order to be devoted to prayer. In other words, it is modeled for us and we are instructed to make this a part of our lives.

What does it mean to be devoted to prayer? If I am, how do I know it? If I'm not, how to I become devoted? What did the disciples model for us and what does Paul want us to do, exactly?

There are a few quick observations about these passages as a collection:

• Paul doesn't really spell out what he means, so we can assume that he expected all three of his very different audiences to know what he meant. Therefore, it's likely not something esoteric, bizarre, rare, complicated, or subtly nuanced. Without explanation, it seems like Paul is talking about something ordinary and easy to understand.
• Being devoted to prayer in every case is part of a larger set of behaviors. For example, being devoted to prayer and to the teaching of the apostles; being devoted to prayer and the ministry of the Word; rejoicing, enduring, and being devoted to prayer; being devoted to prayer as part of your marriage; being devoted to prayer while keeping alert with thanksgiving. Being devoted to prayer is not the only thing, and it's part of a larger picture of being a follower of Jesus.
• We are told to do it. Therefore, we should be able to choose to do it. It makes no sense to command you to do something you have no ability to choose to do. "Be French!"
• One devotes himself to prayer. Paul doesn't tell us to make prayer a vital part of our lives. He doesn't tell us to devote a block of time every day to prayer. He tells us to devote ourselves to prayer. The Greek word means to apply yourself to something exclusively and tirelessly. We are to apply ourselves to prayer exclusively and tirelessly.

It's easy to understand tirelessly. If someone is devoted to prayer, he prays continually. He doesn't stop praying because he's tired, or especially because he's tired of praying. He's never too exhausted to pray. When God is not giving him some good thing he's asking for, the only reason he stops praying is because he believes the answer is, "No." When someone says, "Let's pray about that first," he doesn't roll his eyes and sigh, and consent to pray just because it's "unspiritual" not to. Tiredness is a non-factor for his praying.

The idea of exclusively is a little tricky, though. At first, it seems obvious. But exclusive of what? And didn't we just observe that being devoted to prayer is part of a larger picture (be devoted to prayer and ...)? 

Remember that we're not devoting prayer to something, but devoting ourselves to prayer. We are applying ourselves exclusively to prayer. Not a part of our day. Not the first part of a meeting. Ourselves. "Devote yourselves to prayer."

Being devoted to prayer means that there is no other strategy on par with prayer. Our own effort, even though necessary, is not on par with prayer. Following a set of rules or human strategies, though useful, is not on par with prayer. Other strategies don't compete with prayer, don't replace prayer, don't precede prayer in importance. Prayer is the one thing we make sure we do, and then we work the other things in, rather than relying on our own strategies and praying if there's time. It means not doing some things until after you've prayed. Every strategy is optional except prayer.

Being a consistent pray-er requires an impressive dedication. But being devoted to prayer requires sacrificing other strategies enough for prayer to be the first and pre-eminent strategy for approaching life and all its challenges. Prayer is how we can most help others.

Given this understanding of prayer, I realize that I know only a few people who exemplify what I see in these passages. But I also know that I want to be one of those people one day. This goal will require the death of some long-held priorities that "fit" prayer instead of requiring prayer as the sole necessary ingredient. I would love to one day be able to humbly say that I am devoted to prayer.

I retreated like a man

Last Thursday night and Friday, I was finally able to peel away for a personal retreat - 24 hours alone with the Lord and His Word at a retreat center nearby. These retreats are for turning off the world and focusing on prayer, reading, and even just resting. During these retreats, I also love to take long walks or go for bike rides, although I was a bit discouraged from that by the single-digit temperatures! I used to be in the habit of taking about one a month (plus a three-day retreat once a year), but fell out of the habit when I went back to school. I have yet to get back in the habit.

These retreats are almost always beneficial (I've had a few clunkers!) - there is a depth of relationship with the Lord that's just harder for me to experience in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life. I believe that's the model Jesus set for us when He would get away from the fray to be alone with His Father.

This retreat was by no means a clunker. I certainly could have been more focused during my time, but there were some rich times in the Word and in prayer. Some issues in life took on some good clarity, and there was just a sense of exhaling, instead of what feels like holding my breath for the last several weeks. I spent Thursday night just reading through Ezra, summarizing it, looking at the structure (which always helps me understand a book or a passage), and focusing in on his great prayer in chapter 9. You heard a little about my benefit from Ezra during the worship service on Sunday.

On Friday, it was also my goal to go through the stewardship worksheets that we've been handing out each week during our sermon series. I thought that maybe I could get some benefit from it, even though I'm the one who put the worksheets together. I was amazed at how much benefit I actually did get! I came to a lot of life decisions as a result - shifting priorities, clarifying my focus, adjusting our financial management, all kinds of good things.

One of the most important benefits is something I was already planning on talking about this Sunday, but the concept took on a far more personal, impacting, and even convicting nature during the retreat. The role of pastor's wife is difficult because it's hard to be of help when the husband simply cannot share much of his week because of professional confidentiality. Lynne and I have persistently looked for better ways for her gifts to make me more fruitful despite this limitation. The retreat yielded fruit here - one clear way that we can improve is to complete these worksheets individually, but then also  walk through our individual worksheets together and discuss them. Even more beneficial, however, will be to generate another set of worksheets for us as one flesh. Not just two full sets of worksheets, but one additional set that is for us together as a family, pulling ideas from the other two.

This is great for any couple, but I see particular benefit for a pastor and his wife. It will be a way for both of us to help the other, a way for us to draw closer together, a way to pull our "one flesh" lives into clearer focus, and to set our sights on stewarding the various arenas our lives for Christ more effectively than ever before.

I highly encourage you to do three things:

1. Complete the stewardship worksheets (or some other similar exercise to assess your life's priorities). We have copies available of all the worksheets we've introduced so far.
2. Per the message coming up on Sunday, go through the worksheets together as a couple, as a family, or with a trusted friend. Also consider coming up with a set for the family as a whole.
3. Make time at least once a year to spend alone with the Lord - away from all the noise, with nothing but a Bible and a way to journal, for no less than 24 hours. I usually have to get through at least two hours of "boredom" before I'm really ready to focus - that's just my body and mind going through "noise detox," but then finally I'm ready to meet with the Lord. Some of my richest times with the Lord have come during personal retreats (most of which started off "boring"!).

If you have any more questions about any of these three things, I'm here to help - just ask.

I Don't Dance

I don't dance. Not a bit. Not only do I not attempt to dance, but when I have attempted to, I still didn't dance ... because I can't dance. No rhythm, no coordination, no desire, no ability. I don't have a religious objection to dancing, but people of all religions would object if they saw me try.

I don't like it, I'm not good at it, so I don't do it.

That's fine for dancing or hockey or scrapbooking. But what about something like prayer? There have been times in my life, and I hear others express the same, that we don't pray because we feel awkward at it, don't have "rhythm," or don't feel like we know how. So, we don't. Sometimes, we just don't pray out loud in front of others. Sometimes, we just don't pray. We avoid the things that we don't feel that we do well, because we don't like feeling inept.

Rather than combat this with a "how to" article on prayer, which would probably only make us feel even more inept, let's look at it differently. We feel inept because we don't feel we do something well. And we don't feel we do it well because we don't feel we meet the standard. Rather than a "how to" to set a more intimidating standard, I question the standard.

What makes dancing good is based on style, skill, flare, and coordination. But that's not what makes for good praying.

If you look at Jesus' prayers and His teaching on prayer, He never sets a standard of flair. He never clicks a clicker every time you say "um" (like I saw a speech making club do). The most basic lesson on how to pray well is to just PRAY! I don't dance because I don't dance. We don't pray because we don't pray. Jesus says pray honestly, frequently, persistently, and trustingly. Just pray.

Babies are really horrible at talking, aren't they? But if they never talk terribly, they will never learn to talk well. If you never pray terribly, you will never pray well. And "well" has nothing to do with style.

A Qualified Yes

Did Jesus ever complain?

Complaining seems like such an ungodly thing to do. You've probably heard sermons about how complainers are just being ungrateful. Complaining sounds like you don't think God is doing enough on your behalf. But if Jesus complained, then these statements about complaining can't be completely correct. So ... did He?

In Matthew 16:8-11, the disciples were arguing about bread (again), and Jesus comes down pretty hard on them. He says they are men of little faith and berates them for arguing. He criticizes them for not believing more deeply considering all the things they have seen Him do, and nails them for their lack of Kingdom priorities. He seems to be complaining. And this is not the only instance. He cuts them down to size about not being able to cast out a demon and particularly for sleeping at the crucial hour He asked them to start alert and to pray.

Some may say that's not complaining, but disciplining them. When He cries over Jerusalem for rejecting the prophets God has sent to them, at least that sounds more like a complaint than discipline. But whether it's a complaint or some other form of expressing discontent, there's one thing for sure - whenever Jesus does it, it's always related to something about the Kingdom of God.

He doesn't complain about bad weather or ugly shoes or a poorly-prepared meal. He doesn't whine about how hard His life is or that He has been treated unfairly. Every time He expresses discontent, it is because someone is rejecting or assailing the Kingdom of God, including those times when His own followers fail to embrace all that the Kingdom has to offer.

Did Jesus ever weep? Of course (John 11:35). But He did not weep because His friend had died, or even that others around Him were sad. He wept because the Kingdom of God was right before these people, and they were ignoring it, instead choosing to embrace a fleshly perspective. They didn't think He was doing things in the right way, and that the circumstances were greater than He is. Yet, His message had consistently been that the Messiah has come, that He is greater than all these things, and that He is ushering in God's Kingdom.

Did Jesus ever pray? Of course He did. He prayed perpetually and fervently. And in a few cases, He prayed out loud and His disciples were able to record the content of His prayer. In every case, Jesus prayed about things related to the Kingdom of God. He did not pray for a less stressful life or for decisions to come easily. He did not pray for healing for it's own sake only, but always for a greater Kingdom-related purpose. He did not pray for the great trial before Him to be taken away, but for it to be taken away only if it did not run contrary to God's plans for His Kingdom.

Whether it's complaining (or whatever it should be called), weeping, or praying, or anything else Jesus really spent Himself on, it was always about the Kingdom of God.

As we grow in our faith, the same thing happens to us - more and more of what we care about, weep about, complain about, and pray about is related to the Kingdom of God and our place in it. We are still very aware of what's going on in this world, but how we see even the things of this world becomes defined by how those things relate (or don't relate) to the Kingdom.

We should invite and embrace that shift in our thinking. The norm for our faith should be a continual transition toward Kingdom-mindedness. We should never stagnate, where we come to faith, adopt a Christian perspective and attitude, and then just continue to let the world dominate our thinking. Rather, we should always be moving toward a complete Kingdom-minded worldview, where we see even the things of this world in terms of the eternal Kingdom.

This is especially true in our prayer life. My prayer life is still much too focused on things quite unrelated to the Kingdom, or things that are important, but that I'm not thinking about them in terms of how they relate to the Kingdom. I want my prayer life to become more about God's Kingdom. I want all of our prayer lives to become completely infused with Kingdom-mindedness.

When we close our prayer with "In Jesus' name," one of the things we should mean by that phrase is, "This is the kind of prayer Jesus would pray."

Creating the Environment

We cannot make God "show up." We can (and should) set aside time every day to be alone with God to read His Word and to pray. Some people call it "Quiet Time," others call it "Devotions," and we've even recently seen it called "an appointment with God." No matter what it's called, it's an intentional effort to be alone with God and His Word. But just regularly having that time won't necessary make God "show up" - where you become particularly aware of His presence and influence. However, if we don't set aside time, we are far less likely to ever have that awareness.

Even if we set aside only 15 minutes a day, having that dedicated time for the Lord remains history's greatest environment to experience the presence of God. Of all the books, seminars, studies, and DVDs we have, nothing does more for personal spiritual formation than being in the Word and in prayer. There's not even a close second place finisher - setting aside daily time is the all-time champ, with virtually no challengers. Put another way, wanting to experience His presence without setting aside that time is like wanting to see a ball game but never going to the ball park.

Even when we do set aside time, we can also fall into a habit of squandering that time, getting distracted, or wandering aimlessly because we don't have a plan. One of the most effective ways to spend fruitful time with the Lord is to develop rich habits. Not only a regular time and place with no distractions, but also a habit of how to read the Word.

First, you need to have an idea of what you will read in Scripture. It could be passages on a particular topic that you get from a book or it can be going through a book of the Bible. Both are valuable, but I strongly recommend that you: 1) Read at least a full paragraph, rather than isolated verses, 2) Read your passage more than once, and 3) Keep in the habit of going through entire books of the Bible at least 50% of a calendar year.

Second, it helps to ask a consistent set of questions of every passage. There are many suggestions out there for questions to ask, and most lists are fairly similar. I recommend the following for every passage:

What does it say? Without interpreting the passage, just summarize (in writing!) what it says. Before you interact with the text, you need to know what it is (and is not) saying. You might even look up a few key words in a Bible dictionary, concordance, or commentary just to get at what the author intended to say.

What does it mean? Now, you interpret, but only after having a good idea of what the author intended to say. This is not "What does it mean to me?", but "What does it mean?" Getting back to the author's intent, what did he mean by this? The Bible does not mean different things to different people - it means one thing. Every passage means one thing, no matter how hard different people try to make it say something different.

How does it relate? After understanding the meaning, now you can ask how that unchanging meaning affects you in daily life. What aspects of my life, my thinking, my reactions, and my priorities are affected by this truth?

Where do I need to be convinced? We can understand what a passage means and how it affects us, but still not be moved to change. What needs to happen in my life for me to be "sold" on the truth, to adopt it into my life, to confess, to change, or to respond?

Pray. Take what you've seen in Scripture, how it affects you, and how you still need to be moved to adopt it into your life, and pray about it. Be honest with God, ask questions, confess, rejoice, and interact with God, particularly in reference to the passage. Also, I like to pray for those on my prayer list based on the passage - that's a great way to keep me focused and fresh as I pray for loved ones and friends.

This set of habits can take 15 minutes or an hour. It just depends on how deep you want to go. Each question has a list of related questions that could go along with them - or these questions can be taken as is if there just isn't enough time for depth. Also, the framework is flexible enough to work well with any passage, regardless of length or genre.

The main thing is to be in a habit, whether it's this one or another. Try this one, try another one, stick to one that works well for you. You'll find yourself being more consistent, getting more out of the text, and perhaps becoming more keenly aware of God's presence.

Lately, I have been blogging my Quiet Time journal on http://colbiwiki.blogspot.com, using a slightly different framework, but the same elements are there. My hope is that these can provide examples of how a framework can be used.

Book Review: "Deepening Your Conversation with God"

Wanting to grow deeper in my prayer life, I've taken to reading a couple of books on the topic. Normally, when I read books on prayer, I usually don't get much out of it, and usually just end up disappointed in myself because I don't experience what the author experiences. Some of the most read authors on prayer often do very little for me. But, I was pleasantly surprised by Ben Patterson's book Deepening Your Conversation with God (ISBN: 978-0764223518).

Patterson didn't really say a whole lot I didn't already know or hadn't heard before. He even said a few things that I just flat out disagreed with. But the strength of this book was that it was practical and it made prayer not the exclusive possession of the elite super prayer warriors, but the accessible habit of average Christians. The book is geared for those in ministry, but nearly everything in it applies to all believers.

Patterson begins with the standard questions about why we should pray, but his answers are not the tired, off-the-shelf responses we typically hear. He focuses on the spiritual battle we are in, and emphasizes that prayer is the "pivotal" element for every piece of the spiritual armor in Ephesians 6. He calls prayer the "real work" that we do, especially in ministry. He addresses the "dry times" we go through when we can't seem to pray much, saying that we dry up not because we go to the well too often, but because we don't go to the well often enough. Often, prayerlessness is due to either acedia (dawdling away our time), hyperactivity (staying busy with unimportant things), or hubris (thinking we can get along fine on our own).

Patterson promotes prayerfulness by encouraging us to be hungry only for things of God (rather than filling ourselves on spiritual "junk food"), by seeking out God's company (rather than keeping Him as an abstract thought), and desiring His joy that He freely offers us (which is tightly related to thankfulness). Patterson also recommends endurance and persistence in prayer (perhaps the most encouraging treatment of the parable of the persistent widow I've read), plus a holy boldness in our prayer. Finally, he encourages us to listen while praying, and shows the great value of praying together.

There are some great thoughts of other authors that Patterson works in (but as much as I love C.S. Lewis, Patterson called upon him a bit too often). Bringing these other authors in brought a breadth to the book. Rather than a dry analysis of the topic of prayer, the author simple tells us things we pretty much already know, but need to hear in fresh ways with some frequency.

For the first time, I read on a book on prayer that didn't make me feel like a prayerless loser. I did identify a lot of shortcomings in my prayer life, but Patterson was more encouraging than anything. Clearly, prayer is vital for him, and he comes across less like a lecturer and more like an enthusiast sharing his thoughts about a holy hobby. Far from just a hobby, prayer is vital to Patterson's daily life, and reading his book encourages me to do the same.

Asking to Pray for Someone

One of the easiest, least-threatening ways I've found to open up avenues to safely talk about spiritual matters with someone is to offer to pray for them about something specific. It's very simple - after you've had a chance to have a little dialog, just ask, "Is there anything specific that I can pray for you?" That's it.

It's a non-threatening request, because 1) you're not asking them to agree with you on spiritual matters, and 2) a lot of people are open to prayer as a concept, even if they are not warm the the offer that Christ gives them. People of other faiths often will appreciate you offering to pray for them. Skeptics aren't often put off by the offer to do something nice for them.

The offer also communicates care and concern. You're not trying to make them take something - you're offering to do something positive for them. You're not requiring them to do anything in order for you to be on their side about something important to them.

If someone doesn't really want it, it's not a big "rejection" if they say, "No, thanks." It doesn't kill the conversation, and it doesn't force anything on to anyone. You've put the question in their hands, and they can choose what to do with it. But since you've not drawn any lines in the sand (yet), turning down your offer is not a form of rejecting you or your beliefs.

Most people, I've found, take you up on the offer, regardless of their belief system. They may share something relatively safe, or even sometimes something very important and personal. Either way, it's a privilege to advocate to the Lord on their behalf.

Almost everyone appreciates being asked, even if they don't accept the offer. Very few people will have a strong negative reaction, and in most of those cases, you already have an idea they might be hostile against something like this. But by and large, people appreciate the offer.

The offer also identifies you as a person who believes. That can open up deeper conversations, if even months down the road. I've known people who made this offer, and then much later, that person came back to them with spiritual questions. The offer can help a friendship reach more depth, getting beyond, "How's the weather?"

If they say "no," then simply say, "OK. Just let me know if you ever do want me to pray for something - I'd be happy to." And the go on with whatever else you want to talk about. Don't make a big deal of it.

But if they say "yes," then listen attentively, either write down the request or repeat it back to them to let you know that you understand it, and then, if the situation is right and they are open to it, pray right then with them. "I'll pray for" is one of the most broken promises in the world. If you can't pray for them right then, or they are not comfortable with that, let them know when you will pray for it. "I'll pray for that tonight," or, "I'll pray for that tomorrow during my prayer time," or, "I'll pray for that once a day until you get the doctor's report back."

Then pray! And then wait to see what God does. If possible, check back with the person to see how things are going. Whether they got what they asked for or not, you might have a chance to explain more about your faith. A large revival occurred a few decades ago in South America in large part through people simply committing to pray for others.

Quick note: If what they are asking for is not appropriate in any way, then simply change the request and tell them what you'll pray for. "Yeah, please pray that I'll win the lottery." "I'll tell you what - I'll pray that God will supply your needs and provide you with good work opportunities." But never promise to pray about something that you won't actually pray about.

Glory or Help?

Every once in a while as I'm praying for the Lord to provide help for something going on in my life, I can feel a twinge of selfishness and doubt. Perhaps my prayers of late have only been to ask God to give me something. Perhaps the thing I'm asking for is selfish. Besides, I don't deserve God's favor, so how dare I even ask for Him to give His favor to me - especially after He's already given me more than I deserve?


Recently during my morning quiet time, I came across Psalm 31:3 (NET):


For you are my high ridge and my stronghold;
for the sake of your own reputation you lead me and guide me.


King David, who wrote this psalm, credits God for being his stronghold, and then acknowledges that God had provided him with the same kind of help that I feel selfish asking for (in this case, guidance). But this guidance was given "for the sake of your own reputation." For God's "reputation," the glory of His name among the nations. In other words, the help God provided was for David's benefit, but ultimately it was for His own glory.


This gives us helpful, simple advice on how to ask God for His help. Consider praying this way: "Lord, help us, but only if it glorifies You."


Ask for God's help in areas that are good and within His permissive will. Pray for God to help not only "me", but "us" - for the benefit of others besides yourself, too. But whatever help you are asking for, ask only if the answer would truly glorify God. Submit your desire for getting what you want to God's glory. Refuse answers to your request that do not glorify Him. Ask God to use the answer to your prayer as a means to glorify Himself or else deny the request entirely.


Keeping this in mind has helped me to pray for help more humbly. It has also caused me to not pray for some things that I might have otherwise. And it has lifted my prayers beyond my own self-concern to the things that concern God.

Decision-making

OK, so I'm going to solve the problem of how to make decisions in 300 words or less. OK, so ... maybe not.

The process of making decisions compresses thousands of years of theology into a single moment. In making a decision, you bring in the theology of God's sovereignty, the theology of man's freedom to choose, the theology of the role of the Holy Spirit, the theology of the wisdom of the Bible, and several other theologies all into the practical, daily activity to choosing A instead of B. Whew!

So, how do we do this well? Do we wait on major decisions until we believe the Spirit reveals His will to us? Do we just go with our best guess and ask the Lord to bless it? Do we make minor decisions one way, but major decisions another way? If we make a wrong decision, are we outside of God's will? And if so, how do we get back "in"?

First, I recommend a book co-authored by a friend of mine called Decision-Making and the Will of God (found on Amazon here). The authors take the approach that 1) if God has a specific thing He wants you to do, He will not encrypt it into a puzzle that you have to be clever enough to decipher by reading events like tea leaves, and 2) the wealth of wisdom literature in the Bible is there for a reason - when He does not have one single specific thing He wants, He gives us wisdom to make one of many possible God-pleasing choices.

Second, our own personal experience has taught us a few things along the way. When making a decision, of course we do all the things we know to do: pray over many days or weeks (and listen!), seek out several wise counselors, read His Word for guidance, discuss together, praying some more, patiently weigh our options  using wisdom to evaluate everything, and praying yet some more. On several occasions, we have eventually come to the point where the choice we should make becomes clearer and clearer. The question for us changes at that point from "What should we do?" to "Do we have the courage to actually make this decision?" The question goes from wanting information to a matter of the will and of trust.

But, there are times that even through all this process, the best decision was still not clear to us. What do we do then? If we have earnestly pursued all these avenues with openness and patience, and still we're not sure, we have on several occasions tried an approach that has been very helpful to us.

We eventually conclude that we need to make our best-effort decision. And then we pray, "Lord, we're not sure what to do, but this is our best decision we can make. We're going to take a step forward in faith. If we're on the wrong path, please stop us." Then we take a step forward on faith. Then we pray again, "OK, Lord, here we go ... stop us if we're going in the wrong direction." And then we observe.

What we have found on several occasions is that after taking that step of faith and checking back with the Lord, He will then either affirm the decision or show us it's not a good step. It seems that He does not, however, affirm or contradict our decision until after we take the step of faith. If we don't step out, we don't get any more clarity. If we do, He has often at that point let us know His will.

At times, it means we need to retreat and try something else. Other times, He has clearly affirmed the choice, and it become even clearer that it is a direction that He enjoys for us to take.

It's important to remember, though, to hold your decisions with an open hand and earnestly ask Him if you're walking in the best direction, allowing Him to redirect you. If you're not really willing to be redirected, then asking anyway just makes a sham of it. That willingness to accept whatever He wants is crucial!

I believe that doing all you can to make the right decision, checking before and after with the Lord, and especially by taking a step of faith, we have discovered His will for our lives on particular decisions. It's important not to leave out any aspect of this practice.

I would love to hear from others who approach decisions this way and how that has resulted for you.

The Clown Days have Changed

Please remember to pray for our kids who are at Camp Quaker Haven. Pray for them to learn, to grow, and to be safe.

This week, I had an opportunity to drive by the house in Independence where I grew up. It's amazing to me how much smaller the house looks, and how that great hill we used to sled down looks rather flat and short - somehow I don't think the hill is what has changed over time. Perspectives have changed.

I also went through the drive-through of the McDonald's that we used to go to when I was a kid. There was only one in town at the time, and it was a bit of a drive, but what a great treat it was for us kids. This week, however, while waiting in line I watched a drug deal go down - as brazen as could be. Like I said, perspectives have changed.

Seeing how the innocence of my own childhood has been erased by age and crime, let me urge you again to pray for our children at Camp Quaker Haven. This world conspires against their innocence. The constant forces of gravity never pull them up. They are pulled up only by God, by His Truth, by the example of disciples, and by our prayers. Everything else is a constant pull downward. Just as my childhood home decays over time, so do our souls, without an intentional effort on our part to foster God's work within us.

Pray for our kids. Pray for our children's Sunday School. Pray for AWANA. Pray for Children's Church and Junior Church. Pray for our Youth Group. And pray for all those who volunteer their time and talents to invest their lives into our young people.

Pray for our kids constantly as if the rest of their lives depended on it.

Prayer Meeting

Prayer is a mysteriously important lifeline for the Christian. We don't fully understand it, and we're even told we don't know how to do it as we should (Rom 8:26), and yet, it is something we are told to do without ceasing (1 Thess 5:17). Like love itself, we need it, but we can't explain it. We have set aside Wednesday evenings to be a time for the people of Grace Fellowship to gather specifically for the purpose of prayer.

We gather in my office at 7pm, complete our list of requests that the people of Grace have, and then enter into a casual time of prayer. Some of us pray out loud, some silently. Some of us pray short prayers, some longer. Some of us stumble to find the right words, some have the gift of words that just seem to flow. Some of us experience prayer with some measure of emotion, some of us see prayer as a privileged conversation with God. Some of us come every week, some whenever possible. But all of us pray, and all of us pray in the ways that we can - and that's what matters.

We don't expect everyone to pray out loud, to pray eloquently, to "feel" something in particular when they pray, or to even be comfortable praying in a group. Our desire is for the body of believers to be a praying people, whether it's in our particular group or not. We believe prayer is essential for our church to grow in the ways God wants us to grow. We believe prayer is too often a lost and forgotten art, something that can frighten us when it should be the most inviting activity God allows us to have. We want to pray, and we want to encourage you to pray. We believe we pray more fervently when we gather together for the sole purpose of praying as one.

In the future, we would like to occasionally take the prayer group "on the road" - that if there is a particular need, that we pull up our stakes, take the prayer team to where the need is, and pray with you on the spot. Also, some nights we will focus our prayers on a particular area of need, such as children's ministries, our marriages, missionaries, and so on. We will announce in advance when we have a particular focus so that you can make a point of joining us for those issues closest to your heart.

Please submit your prayer requests to the church office for inclusion in the prayer list. If it is confidential, just let the administrative assistant know that. Also, if you submit a prayer request in the Friendship Folders that are passed around during the worship service, the Elders receive those requests and pray for them on Sunday mornings before Sunday School.

Prayer is a privilege. We want to share that privilege with you. We want all of us to help one another become more of a praying people.