Proverbial Media

What if we restricted ourselves to posting on social media according to the wisdom laid out in the Book of Proverbs?

The Book of Proverbs is a collection of pithy sayings of general wisdom, most of which is agreeable to even people who think little of a life of faith. Not intended to be a strict set of do's and don'ts, it promotes general principles of wisdom that shape a life of wisdom.

Given that so much of what is posted online is unwise, including things you post and things that I post, what if we ran posts through the grid of Proverbs before hitting "Update"?

1:10 My child, if sinners try to entice you,
do not consent!

Clickbait ("you won't believe what happens next...") has the sole purpose of generating revenue for advertisers. "What kind of farm animal are you" quizzes collect your personal information. And of course, there's the enticement of X-rated sites, which actually help feed the human trafficking industry!

3:3 Do not let truth and mercy leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

Don't toss truth or mercy when you post, respond, or debate. Rather, write them on your tablet. ;-) 

3:31 Do not envy a violent man,

and do not choose to imitate any of his ways;

Social media can be some of the most violent spaces you'll inhabit in a given day, because people can be anonymous or miles away when they post.

5:15 Drink water from your own cistern

and running water from your own well.

The context of this proverb is marital fidelity. The imagery is plain enough. Emotional affairs over the Internet are still forms of drinking from another's cistern.

6:6 Go to the ant, you sluggard;

observe its ways and be wise!

7 It has no commander,

overseer, or ruler,

8 yet it prepares its food in the summer;

it gathers at the harvest what it will eat.

Log off Facebook and go to the grocery store!

9:7 Whoever corrects a mocker is asking for insult;

whoever reproves a wicked person receives abuse.

8 Do not reprove a mocker or he will hate you;

reprove a wise person and he will love you.

9 Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still;

teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.

How many fruitless arguments have you gotten into? Why were they fruitless? In part, because the deck is stacked against Internet debates ever being fruitful - usually, one or both of the participants is a mocker, not a true debater. Those rare times when the people are wise and actually open to being instructed, however, can be quite fruitful for all.

10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension,

but love covers all transgressions.

What's your attitude? Because your words will come from your attitude. Will your attitude stir up dissension or cover someone's else's imperfections?

10:19 When words abound, transgression is inevitable,

but the one who restrains his words is wise.

More is not necessarily better. You don't have to have the last word!

11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace,

but with humility comes wisdom.

People who are generally humble can become annoyingly arrogant online.

12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own opinion,

but the one who listens to advice is wise.

Of course you think what you said is right. Otherwise you wouldn't have said it. You are right ... in your own opinion.

12:16 A fool’s annoyance is known at once,

but the prudent overlooks an insult.

You really don't have to respond to every verbal attack. No ... really ... you don't have to.

13:17 An unreliable messenger falls into trouble,

but a faithful envoy brings healing.

Ummm ... did you check the truth of that before you reposted? I don't care how much you agree with it ... if it's not true, then you're agreeing with a lie! And now you're spreading a rumor.

14:15 A naive person believes everything,

but the shrewd person discerns his steps.

"I saw it on the Internet, so it must be true." (Especially if it says what I already want to believe.)

14:17 A person who has a quick temper does foolish things,

Yup.

14:29 The one who is slow to anger has great understanding,

but the one who has a quick temper exalts folly.

Yup, yup.

15:1 A gentle response turns away anger,

but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

I have seen this time and time again ... find the common ground, find the positive in the other person's statement, compliment their good attitude even if you don't agree with that they said, and you'll be amazed at how much better the conversation goes.

15:4 Speech that heals is like a life-giving tree,

but a perverse tongue breaks the spirit.

Sticks and stones and words break my bones and my spirit. And yours.

15:32 The one who refuses correction despises himself,

but whoever hears reproof acquires understanding.

Wow - refusing correction is a form of despising yourself! Let that sink in (unless you despise yourself).

16:28 A perverse person spreads dissension,

and a gossip separates the closest friends.

What damage are you doing to someone else's relationships by what you say?

16:32 Better to be slow to anger than to be a mighty warrior,

and one who controls his temper is better than one who captures a city.

Wanna be a hero?

17:14 Starting a quarrel is like letting out water;

stop it before strife breaks out!

I have opened that plug in the water tank way too many times. You can't ever put that water back in through the spigot.

18:1 One who has isolated himself seeks his own desires;

he rejects all sound judgment.

This should be taped to every guy's computer screen. And perhaps all the gals', too.

18:13 The one who gives an answer before he listens -

that is his folly and his shame.

Of course, you've never done this, right?

18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love its use will eat its fruit.

Death and life. You have the power to bring both.

I could go on with the rest of the chapters, but I'm already in danger of violating 10:19.

The Facebook Gospel

We have the "Good News" (which is what the word "Gospel" literally means). We believe that it is Good News not only for some, but for all. We believe that it is the only Good News. We believe that the only way to a relationship with God is through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who took upon Himself all the justice that our sin requires, and that all who believe in Him for this will have their sin forgiven, will be given new life starting now, and that this new life will endure into eternity in the presence of God.

We believe that this Good News is so Good that others should know about it. We believe that Jesus instructs His followers to share this Good News around the world. But we seem to be having a tougher and tougher time connecting with those who don't believe the Good News is really Good News. We aren't always sure how to find a way to have an authentic, engaging conversation on things that matter. We don't get them, and they don't get us ... and then we start saying words like "them" and "us."

Now add in the noise of social media (Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest, SnapChat, etc.). Now our relationships are spread a mile wide and an inch deep. We have hundreds of friends, but we have no friends. We talk more and say less. When we get too snarky, we get unfriended - clean, cold, and final.

Maybe our solution is found within the problem.

Think about what people say via social media. They are normally commenting on things that matter to them! Things they care about. It doesn't matter if we agree with what they say! What they are telling us, in essence, is what "Good News" would look like to them. This is perhaps the most important truth about all of social media - people are telling us every day what the "Good News" would be to them.

If someone is posting (or tweeting) about something that makes them happy, then it's pretty clear what they consider to be "Good News." If they are whining about something, then it's usually not too hard to reverse engineer to find what they would consider to be "Good News." If they are just telling the world that they just brushed their teeth, then it may be hard to discern, but somewhere in this, there's a reason why they posted that - they want something, and they expect that something to bring them a little happiness. Good News.

Please don't misunderstand - the true Good News is not whatever we think might bring us happiness. It is not defined by what we consider or don't consider it to be. God defines the Good News, and it is the Good News whether we regard it or not. We can't redefine it. But daily through social media, people are giving us clue after clue after clue of what they would consider to be Good News.

And that gives us a connection point into the core of who that person is.

We can use social media to help solve the problem, rather than blame it as being part of the problem. When one of your thousand closest friends posts something, consider doing the following:

• Pray. People are telling us what they think the Good News would be for them. Pray for the person to find what they are seeking in the authentic Good News. Pray to discern well the core, God-given need that they are trying to satisfy through other means. Pray for their souls to be restless until they find their rest in God (to borrow from Augustine).
• Listen. You've been given a way to find out about someone. Ask questions. Explore. And listen - really listen. Don't judge, don't argue, don't disapprove. Just love. There will be a time for truth, but now is the time for grace. The only way to be a genuine listener is to genuinely listen (a brilliant tautology, if I say so myself).
• Identify. If you could somehow peel away the layers of what this person is talking about, more than likely you'll even find that you and he want the same thing. Peace, joy, security, love, relationship, a sense of belonging, being attached to something bigger than yourself, something. You probably have a lot in common when you get past the externals, and it's stuff that matters.
• Speak. When they know you really hear them and really care about them unconditionally, then they may be willing to listen to you, especially about this core issue. You already know they care about the core issue - it's something you agree on, and the other person obviously finds the issue to be meaningful. He told us it was of some importance when he posted about it amid the noise of social media.
• Love. First, middle, last, and more than anything else.

The Missio Burb

I was so eager to hear Michael Frost speak. He's an Australian speaker in the missional movement who had a breakout session at a recent conference in KC, and he was scheduled to talk about a missional lifestyle in our neighborhoods. This has been a nebulous goal for us - we're smack dab in the suburbs with a desire to have a positive impact, but have been struggling to know what that might look like.

It's easy to see in the inner city and the urban core how to have impact. The needs are obvious - there's economic poverty, physical homelessness, substance abuse, and broken lives. Even in rural settings, the needs are visible, even if you have to dig a little bit. But in the 'burbs, people have hardly any visible needs. Plus we have our automatic garage doors, air-conditioning, and 6-foot fences, all which minimize natural opportunities to get to know our neighbors. So, Frost's session promised to be enlightening.

The first words out of his mouth were something like, "You Americans. I don't know how to be missional in the suburbs. Now, let's talk about the neighborhood...," as he proceeded to talk about locales where people naturally do life together, go to the same market, eat and drink at the same pub, and don't move away often. In other words, all the things we don't do in the 'burbs. His talk was rich and wonderful, but even he has no clue how to be missional in the 'burbs. But the 'burbs are where we are. We have the missio burb.

The session that followed Frost's was specifically about the 'burbs, and also extremely helpful, led by a couple living in the 'burbs north of Dallas. They introduced some creative, helpful ideas. I also picked up some good nuggets from the plenary sessions that helped me get a better grasp of living life on mission in the 'burbs.

In the 'burbs, we see very little economic poverty. But what we do see is relational poverty. There are many in the 'burbs who do not enough deep, authentic relationships. We are more isolated, we spend more time alone, we immerse ourselves in electronics and social media, and we are hidden behind our 6-foot fences wallowing in relational poverty. We have friends, but we're not rich in authentic friendships.

In the 'burbs, we see very little physical homelessness. But what we do is social homelessness. People in the 'burbs have less sense of "neighborhood," of community, of a sense of "home." We often live hundreds of miles away from family and where we grew up. We have to travel for the holidays. We are like those without a home ... we have a nice shelter over our heads instead of cardboard, but we still feel displaced.

I think there's a powerful effect in using the words poverty and homelessness. They paint wordpictures to describe what many in the 'burbs feel. City dwellers who mock the 'burbs often brag about the sense of community they enjoy. These two words also provoke compassion that we automatically have for their physical counterparts. Our hearts hurt for the poor and homeless, but we have a tougher time feeling that for our neighbors in the 'burbs. And yet there are plenty of "poor" and "homeless" living on our own blocks!

We actually can add value to the 'burbs. Just because our neighbors don't have many visible needs, there are plenty of ways that we can offer relational wealth and a social neighborhood.

Think about your rhythms of life as family. Then think about ways to include your neighbors in some of those rhythms. Add value to your neighborhood. Fight against poverty and homelessness.