I Can't Change How I Feel

The death of Osama bin Ladin is historic, worldwide news. It would be very hard to find someone who is not aware of it, and equally hard to find someone who doesn't have an opinion about it. I've been involved in more than a few discussions on how we should respond as Christians.

Should we rejoice over the defeat of a mass murderer? Should we ever rejoice of the death of someone who, just by being human, was born in the image of God? Can we separate out rejoicing over justice from how we feel about the death of this man?

Many have quoted Proverbs 24:17-18:
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, 
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
Or the Lord will see it and be displeased, 
And turn His anger away from him.


Others have quoted Ezekiel 18:23:
"Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked," declares the Lord God, "rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?"


Others have repeated a misquote from Martin Luther King, Jr. There's plenty of opinions and debate out there.

I know how I should feel - sorry for the loss of a soul, grateful that God's justice will always prevail. But I can't change how I feel.

I don't want there to be glee, but there was some (at least initially) when I first heard the news. I have too much joy that he's gone and too little grief that he could have been completely forgiven. He could have been my brother, which would have been the happiest ending.

I think that part of the glee comes from my own false opinion that I'm better than he is, that he deserves punishment, but I don't. Another part of my glee is that I was so mad about what he has done, and I wanted him to experience what he inflicted on others. But even on that account, his one death does not make up for the thousands he took, and the thousands of families he grieved, so there's no satisfaction here for me.

I'm no more deserving of heaven than he was. It's not my job to see that people pay for their sin. Revenge consumes the revenger.

As I sort this through, I'm just completely grateful for the grace God offers in Christ to forgive me of my sin. All the things I wanted bin Ladin to experience, I deserve. So, I weep a little realizing the depth of my own sin, and how amazing it is that God offers us a way to enjoy eternal blessings even now, instead of suffering the same condemnation my ugly heart secretly wishes for the bin Ladins of the world.

Lord, save me from my own evil joy, and give me Your heart for the lost.