Lord, please don't let me be a slobbering mess

This weekend, I have the staggering privilege of officiating my niece's wedding near Dallas. I've performed a number of weddings - not dozens and dozens, but enough to have a variety of experiences. The level of crying at these weddings has ranged from zero to moderate to the longest snot-rope I've ever seen dangling from anyone's nose, let alone a bride's. My concern this time is whether or not I will keep it all together - this will be the first time I've officiated for a family member, and the first time for someone I once held as a baby.

I remember the first wedding I officiated. I was still in seminary while serving at a church. Two of my close seminary friends got engaged and asked me to do their premarital counseling and officiate their wedding. At first, it was all exciting adventure into new territory and I jumped in with eagerness, a tiny measure of fear, and a paltry sense that I knew what I was doing. But these were two friends also going through seminary, and they graciously empathized all the way.

On the day of the wedding, exactly 5 minutes before we were supposed to walk out into the sanctuary, I realized something I had somehow never thought of before. I can't do this!!! Who am I to declare two people married? Wait a minute ... just because I say a few words and sign a document, poof! my two friends are now suddenly husband and wife? Hocus pocus, abracadabra, Turtle Power! And now they are united in a covenant before God and have a new legal status before the state. I can't do that! That's only for real pastors.

My head spun, I actually checked to see where the exit was, and I started drumming up excuses. Failing to find a good enough excuse, I just walked out there and started what we had planned on. It turned out to be a fun, joyful, and memorable wedding. Not primarily because of me ... which means I succeeded in just kickstarting the ceremonial part of it and then getting out of the way.

Today, this couple has four wonderful, fun-loving kids and are living in Spain serving as missionaries, learning anew how to thrive in a different setting as a family.

Then I mentally run through all the other couples for whom I've had this honor, and I see parents, expecting parents, adoptive parents, and future parents. I see people building a household, involved in their communities, influencing others, and even helping younger couples prepare for marriage. I see them post their joys and challenges online, with snapshots of living life as family.

I'm taking no credit for that - not in the least. Rather, I'm reveling in the amazing privilege it is to stand before a couple and before God and look past the horizon to envision all that can blossom from marriage. The trials, difficulties, and disappointments are all real, but what can multiply from marriage is enough to make a grown man cry. Especially an uncle standing before his niece, a young man (who had better watch his step!), and God.

Maybe I could go for that snot-rope record...

3mm v. 180 lbs

A 3mm stone was pitted against a 180-lb man ... and the stone won. Most of you know that I was recently knocked out of the game for most of a week due to a kidney stone. Those who've had them know - those who haven't can only guess about the intense pain stones can cause. The first day that I tried to make it back into the office, our Admin (Christina) texted the chairman of the Elders (her husband, Dan) suggesting that he call me to tell me to go back home. Apparently, I didn't look so good. (I called it quits before Dan had a chance to call, because I didn't feel so good, either.)

Many of you expressed sympathy, offered prayers, and were eager to help out in any way possible. There was nothing really that you could have done (unless you could have somehow had the stone instead of me - any takers?), but the consistent, heartfelt offers were therapeutic in themselves. It made recovery far easier to tolerate. So, thanks to all of you - you did in fact make me feel better, which is what I needed most.

What impressed me about this whole episode was just how quickly I was taken out of commission. I was feeling a little off for about a week, but that Saturday morning, strong pain came on quickly, and then strong pain became intense pain in just minutes, and then I was useless for days. I was taken out of making progress on my house todo list, I was taken out of being able to ride my bike, I was taken out of going to the store, and after the pain meds, I was taken out of being able to sustain connected thoughts.

But I was most struck by how quickly I was taken out of ministry. In a matter of minutes, there were very few of the things I normally do in ministry that I could continue doing. Even praying was hard to sustain. Just like that - I could do basically none of it.

That didn't strike at my identity (which can happen when a man is unable to do his job), but it was a fresh reminder of what a privilege vocational ministry is. Even considering all the hard, stressful, heartbreaking, frustrating, thankless, fruitless, burdensome moments that inevitably occur, I realized anew what an amazing privilege you allow me to have. Even just the thought of not being able to do this ever again makes me profoundly sad. If the Lord takes me out of it, we'd adjust, of course, but it would mean a tremendous time of mourning for me.

Thanks for the prayers and offers of help. Thanks for the privilege of serving you.

Sidebar: Thanks, Jimmy, for being called off the bench late in the 9th inning and still being able to bring in the winning run. Great job pinch hitting.