When I'm 80...

When I'm 80...

• I want to still have Lynne next to me. She's my living reminder that it's more important to be than to do - that doing comes from being.
• I want to be healthy enough to get myself to a good BBQ restaurant. That would mean I can still chew and digest great food, that I'm capable of driving, that I can still celebrate the simple good things in life, that I'm still in the city I love, and that I still have a little money to spend.
• I want to be generous enough to be contagious. I'll know I'm really generous not if someone else tells me, but if someone else becomes more generous because they appreciate generosity's beauty.
• I want to have no relational debts. I'll be in the last chapter, and I don't want to live knowing that any day could mean unresolved relationships. I don't want to have to make peace on my deathbed; I want to already have peace on my deathbed.
• I want all my scars to tell stories with good endings. I have scars, and I will have more. Physical scars, emotional scars, relational scars. Scars are the stories of wounds - hopefully healed ones. Since they are inevitable, I want every story to have a good ending. They may not all be "happy endings," but I want them to at least be good endings. I don't want to waste any scars.
• I want it to be hard to remember the last time I was a jerk to anyone - and not because of a faulty memory. I'm still a jerk way too often. I'd rather not be, but there it is for now. I would like to grow up enough that I'd have to think wayyyy back to remember the last time it was true.
• I want the peace that surpasses all understanding ruling my heart. I don't want my name on a building or enough money to buy that BBQ restaurant. I don't want more interesting photos on social media than the rest of you. I don't want any substitute for peace ... I just want peace. A peace so contrary to a broken world that it makes no sense. A peace so invasive that it's in charge of my heart.
• I want be truly influencing others to follow Christ. Not a religion, not an approved list of behaviors, but a Person who lives still.
• I want to still be able to make painful puns. I want my mind sharp enough to still play with words like toys. Of course, this may contradict the whole "jerk" thing...
• I don't want to complete my bucket list. I don't want to dream that small.

Criminy! I now have only 30 years to become that man.

I've Seen Scared Men

I've seen a man scared to die. I've looked in his eyes as they darted from my eyes to the ground to the ceiling, and then to some faraway, unreachable thought. I've heard the tremor in his voice as he used manly words to describe weakness and fear. He doesn't believe the rationalizations he speaks as he grasps for phantom answers. The clock didn't move any faster or slower for him - it marched steadily toward the moment that death may actually arrive.

I've seen a man scared to live. He slumped on the floor, a living pile of inertia. He wept, he swore, he hated me and was so glad I was there, he cursed those closest to him. He did everything but move. Or hope. He weighed the price it would cost to continue breathing as he would silver coins at the market, and wasn't convinced of the bargain. He would not be moved until he chose to, and I wasn't sure he would.

I've seen a man scared to fail. Frozen by unending "what ifs?", he dared not choose A or B. A could be ruinous, but B could be disastrous. C was certain chaos and so was never even discussed. People might be harmed, he might be fired, the company might make a mint - or spend one. He consumed more time trying to find who could make the decision for him than finding the solution. Anything to escape what he feared. At least the status quo was undisastrous.

I've seen a man scared to succeed. The accolades first brought pride, then satisfaction, and then fear. A little success is good, but now they might expect more. "If I do more, what if I succeed more? Can I handle it?" All he wanted to do is go places, and now it looks like he's going places, but he's not sure he still likes the destination. That place gets lot of attention (scrutiny); that place has a lot of responsibility (blame); that place elevates (a higher perch to fall from).

I know a Man scared of nothing. He was not scared to die, which then gave me life. He was not scared to live, and so He bore my sorrows and knew my temptations. He was not scared to fail, because He knew that He was on an infallible mission. He was not scared to succeed, even though everyone around Him thought it was a failure. I have looked in the eyes of those who fear, and I have seen life through fearful eyes. I can go forward not because I have enough courage, but because I know the Man scared of nothing.

A View from the Canyon

The Grand Canyon is the world's most beautiful hole in the ground. A mile from rim to river, 10 to 18 miles across, 277 miles of river, encompassed in a park covering over 1900 square miles (http://www.nps.gov/grca/faqs.htm#big). With breathtaking vistas, layers of hues, and rugged beauty, the canyon is an untamed beast refusing to be domesticated by the dots of people on the rim looking down.

Some people have never seen the canyon in person. They likely have seen stunning photos and video. Perhaps they've gotten a glimpse from an airplane window, but that doesn't really count, either. They know that the canyon is awesome, but they've never experienced that the canyon is awesome. They probably know someone who has been and can tell them how awesome it is.

Most of the people who have seen the canyon in person and gasped at its size and beauty did so from the safety of the rim, likely from behind the safety of a guardrail. And now, you can even step out into the chasm a bit on the glass-bottomed skywalk, but still safely behind a guardrail. These folks can tell you from personal experience how awesome the canyon is.

(Image from http://www.grandcanyonwest.com/images/latestnews/l-skywalk.jpg)

Imagine, though, someone who wanted to not just be near the canyon, but in the canyon! I'm not talking about renting a burro or scaling the face, but someone who takes a running jump off of the rim, sails a mile downward into the canyon, and SPLAT! Really, really in the canyon! We would say, "How crazy! What a waste!" The man (or woman) threw away a perfectly good life. Even if that life was troubled, it's still a crazy waste, we would say.

Spiritually speaking, there are those who are like the ones who have never seen the Grand Canyon in person. They may have heard about Christ to some degree, but have never met Him "face-to-face." They may know several people who claim to know Him personally, they may even have the impression that Jesus is somewhat awesome.

Others can be like those who have seen the canyon from the ledge - safely behind the guardrails. They attend church somewhat regularly, they read the Bible once in a while, they know from observation that Jesus is incredibly awesome. They could tell others how awesome He is. But they've never taken the leap. They've never been in the canyon - always behind the guardrail.

Still others have taken the flying leap off the rim. No safety net, no scaling gear. Just sailing off into the depths of the canyon. And, just like what would happen in the real canyon, SPLAT! They die!

They die to sin. They die to the "old self." They die to the ways of seeking the pleasures of the flesh. They die to pride, selfishness, rebellion, idolatry, and most of all, religion. And the world says of these who die, "How crazy! What a waste!" All the world sees is a man or woman "throwing away" a perfectly good life. What a crazy waste!

But unlike the canyon, those who make this plunge are resurrected to new life, the "new man," the new creature of the new creation. They are "born again" or "born from above." Scripture says two things about this curious reality: 1) One must die in Christ before he is raised with Christ, and 2) All who die in Christ will be raised with Christ. In other words, SPLAT! of the old self is necessary, but it is always followed by resurrection to the new self.

If the world does not assess our lives as a "crazy waste," then we appear to them to be on the rim of the canyon, not in the canyon itself. At the canyon, not in the canyon. At Christ, but not in Christ. Someone can be in Christ but appear to the world as being only near Christ, and safely never being labeled a "crazy waste." The world should, and in fact the world must, see our lives as a crazy waste, rather than safely on the rim behind the guardrails. We must entice the world to scratch their heads, wondering how we could "throw away" our lives. That is the only way they will know what it means to be in Christ.

Romans 6:4 - Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.