Waiting

We've just started a short series on the topic of "waiting on the Lord." If you ask around, I think you'll find that very few people have a sure definition of what that really means, and even fewer who have a favorable reaction to the whole idea. Any time we open up a topic like this, we are sure to touch on some nerves and open up some wounds. It is not my intent to aggravate a sore spot, but we must talk about this because Scripture tells us it's something that ought to be a part of following Christ.

We first have to talk about the ideas and ideals. There are applicable universal truths (e.g., God is faithful). But we also must talk about our lives that don't mesh up with the ideals. If we don't, then we risk rendering moot the whole concept of waiting on the Lord. If we don't address the messy reality, then people will doubt the ideals, and then we've gone nowhere with something that is designed to take us toward good places.

This next Sunday, we will open up the reality of when waiting on the Lord doesn't have a tidy ending. We need to come together in this to encourage one another, because it's likely to poke at some sore spots. But it's crucial! We need to be together to talk about this.

Until then, let me relate a simple story of waiting. It was not a waiting I intended or did happily - I'm not the good guy in this story. It does not have a tidy ending - in fact, it doesn't have an ending at all, yet.

"Dave" is a friend I've had my whole life - same grade school, same Jr. high (yes, before "middle school"), and same high school. He wasn't my best friend, but we hung out in the same groups. Different colleges and careers, but we maintained our friendship off and on throughout the decades. Then Dave made a series of choices and got involved in some things that threatened his health, marriage, family, and livelihood. I actually saw some early signs of it, but explained it away, because "Dave would never do that."

Eventually, Dave's choices caught up with him, and most of his life came tumbling down. He hurt a lot of people, including the group of friends we were a part of. Some of the damage will never be repaired.

What I wanted to do is to give Dave advice. I wanted to smack him around for his bad choices, to tell him what he did wrong, and to tell him how to start fixing it all right away. But at that time at Grace, we were exploring the value of listening and praying before forcing the "right answers" onto people. I really wanted to speak - I was mad, and I had "right" on my side! Through the encouragement of a few of you good folks, I decided to listen and pray and say nothing.

It was horrible! I felt useless. I felt like I was wasting time. I felt like all this knowledge I had was going unused. I felt like I had power at my disposal in the form of Truth and Grace, but was benched. Nothing was changing in Dave's life ... for months. There were wide open opportunities to say what I normally would say in those situations, but I offered "nothing" to my friend. I felt stupid, weak, ineffective, lazy. Do you notice where my focus was? On me! How I felt! I wanted to do something so that I would feel better about myself! I didn't want to wait, not because of my friend, but because he made my life less comfortable. Some friend I am.

But the Lord clearly wanted me to wait on Him. I couldn't deny that's what He wanted, no matter what excuse I threw His way. So waiting is what I did, along with prayer. Impatiently, unwillingly, resentfully I waited.

Dave and I talked, emailed, and texted off and on, but not about this. You could tell he was expecting me to say something even though I said nothing. I hated that. Then months later, Dave and I had a chance to have dinner at one of my favorite places in Westport. We ate and talked about nothing important for an hour.

And then Dave finally offered to me what he was going through. He knew he had messed up. He knew he had hurt people. He hurt, too. He knew that some of the damage he had caused was irreparable ... unfixable. Amazingly, in that moment, all I wanted to do was listen. I finally had that open door to say what I've been wanting to say for a long time, and now, all I wanted to do is listen. I offered no advice. I criticized nothing. I didn't even affirm anything ... because as soon as I did, I would become an evaluator, a judge. I didn't want to be a judge, not even one that only notes what is positive. To be a listener, I had to be neutral about the bad and the good. I like to give "attaboys" to encourage good actions, but bit my tongue, listened, and prayed.

There still is no resolution, and for some things, there never will be. But Dave and I can talk, now, about pretty much everything. And Dave is making positive steps to repair what he can.

It wasn't me. It wasn't Dave. It was God. God moved in Dave's heart. God moved in my heart to make me a better listener than the horrible listener I often am. God also moved through His ways ... as we follow His ways, His ways generate His results (eventually). Waiting on the Lord, even for over a year, has been far better than doing things my way.

I hate waiting. And I really hate it when waiting works out better than impatience.

(Out of respect for "Dave," I've obscured the details.)