I've Seen Scared Men

I've seen a man scared to die. I've looked in his eyes as they darted from my eyes to the ground to the ceiling, and then to some faraway, unreachable thought. I've heard the tremor in his voice as he used manly words to describe weakness and fear. He doesn't believe the rationalizations he speaks as he grasps for phantom answers. The clock didn't move any faster or slower for him - it marched steadily toward the moment that death may actually arrive.

I've seen a man scared to live. He slumped on the floor, a living pile of inertia. He wept, he swore, he hated me and was so glad I was there, he cursed those closest to him. He did everything but move. Or hope. He weighed the price it would cost to continue breathing as he would silver coins at the market, and wasn't convinced of the bargain. He would not be moved until he chose to, and I wasn't sure he would.

I've seen a man scared to fail. Frozen by unending "what ifs?", he dared not choose A or B. A could be ruinous, but B could be disastrous. C was certain chaos and so was never even discussed. People might be harmed, he might be fired, the company might make a mint - or spend one. He consumed more time trying to find who could make the decision for him than finding the solution. Anything to escape what he feared. At least the status quo was undisastrous.

I've seen a man scared to succeed. The accolades first brought pride, then satisfaction, and then fear. A little success is good, but now they might expect more. "If I do more, what if I succeed more? Can I handle it?" All he wanted to do is go places, and now it looks like he's going places, but he's not sure he still likes the destination. That place gets lot of attention (scrutiny); that place has a lot of responsibility (blame); that place elevates (a higher perch to fall from).

I know a Man scared of nothing. He was not scared to die, which then gave me life. He was not scared to live, and so He bore my sorrows and knew my temptations. He was not scared to fail, because He knew that He was on an infallible mission. He was not scared to succeed, even though everyone around Him thought it was a failure. I have looked in the eyes of those who fear, and I have seen life through fearful eyes. I can go forward not because I have enough courage, but because I know the Man scared of nothing.