Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Asking to Pray for Someone

One of the easiest, least-threatening ways I've found to open up avenues to safely talk about spiritual matters with someone is to offer to pray for them about something specific. It's very simple - after you've had a chance to have a little dialog, just ask, "Is there anything specific that I can pray for you?" That's it.

It's a non-threatening request, because 1) you're not asking them to agree with you on spiritual matters, and 2) a lot of people are open to prayer as a concept, even if they are not warm the the offer that Christ gives them. People of other faiths often will appreciate you offering to pray for them. Skeptics aren't often put off by the offer to do something nice for them.

The offer also communicates care and concern. You're not trying to make them take something - you're offering to do something positive for them. You're not requiring them to do anything in order for you to be on their side about something important to them.

If someone doesn't really want it, it's not a big "rejection" if they say, "No, thanks." It doesn't kill the conversation, and it doesn't force anything on to anyone. You've put the question in their hands, and they can choose what to do with it. But since you've not drawn any lines in the sand (yet), turning down your offer is not a form of rejecting you or your beliefs.

Most people, I've found, take you up on the offer, regardless of their belief system. They may share something relatively safe, or even sometimes something very important and personal. Either way, it's a privilege to advocate to the Lord on their behalf.

Almost everyone appreciates being asked, even if they don't accept the offer. Very few people will have a strong negative reaction, and in most of those cases, you already have an idea they might be hostile against something like this. But by and large, people appreciate the offer.

The offer also identifies you as a person who believes. That can open up deeper conversations, if even months down the road. I've known people who made this offer, and then much later, that person came back to them with spiritual questions. The offer can help a friendship reach more depth, getting beyond, "How's the weather?"

If they say "no," then simply say, "OK. Just let me know if you ever do want me to pray for something - I'd be happy to." And the go on with whatever else you want to talk about. Don't make a big deal of it.

But if they say "yes," then listen attentively, either write down the request or repeat it back to them to let you know that you understand it, and then, if the situation is right and they are open to it, pray right then with them. "I'll pray for" is one of the most broken promises in the world. If you can't pray for them right then, or they are not comfortable with that, let them know when you will pray for it. "I'll pray for that tonight," or, "I'll pray for that tomorrow during my prayer time," or, "I'll pray for that once a day until you get the doctor's report back."

Then pray! And then wait to see what God does. If possible, check back with the person to see how things are going. Whether they got what they asked for or not, you might have a chance to explain more about your faith. A large revival occurred a few decades ago in South America in large part through people simply committing to pray for others.

Quick note: If what they are asking for is not appropriate in any way, then simply change the request and tell them what you'll pray for. "Yeah, please pray that I'll win the lottery." "I'll tell you what - I'll pray that God will supply your needs and provide you with good work opportunities." But never promise to pray about something that you won't actually pray about.

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