D) Not as many of the above as it used to be

The last several weeks have been primarily dedicated to getting my folks moved. They were renting a home in Lawrence and now are enjoying "independent living with services" in Olathe. In nearly every respect, it has been a fantastic transition.

In helping them with this, I have had to face new questions - questions about our own future, but also questions about the aging process in general. Downsizing (which is a nice term for "letting go of things we really have enjoyed") is more than a process of deciding what to keep or even what memories to hold onto. There's a larger question, and it is about more than downsizing - it's about getting older.

The bigger question is about options.

The aging process is a slow reduction in options - options of activities, travel, diet, endurance, hobbies, and even expressing one's giftedness. Our years growing up are all about adding options, and the sunset years include the dismissal of options. Some options are dismissed involuntarily. Some are dismissed voluntarily, but not joyfully. And there are a few that are just pure relief to be rid of.

I think about the things my folks knew they needed to part with, but really didn't want to. I think about the things I will one day have to make the same decision for. It's not just the thing itself. And it's not always the memories and stories that are attached to the thing. It's that the thing represents another option, something I could do, and if I give up the thing, I am giving up an option. Chances are, giving up an option in later years means never getting it back.

To their credit, my folks did a great job letting go of things, memories, and even options. And to our pleasure, new options have opened up for them, because they now have a situation far better suited for their lives. (Dad, for example, didn't used to have free ice cream available every day at 3pm!)

Some of their items are now in our basement - too precious to let leave the family, but too bulky to move into their new space. As I was stacking those items this week, I mentally ticked through all the stuff in our house that belongs to us. How many of those things represent true, meaningful options? More importantly, how many of those things are merely burdensome, stealing away better options because of the maintenance and attention they require? How many of my things that I don't want to part with are actually thieves of my options?

What new options would I have if I shed myself of these thieves? What future options do I hinder because I demand these things now?

I want to sort through the entire house, now, and make a decision to keep or not keep items based on just one question - not based on value, not based on memories, not based on anything else other than options. True, meaningful options (lest I fall into the "just in case" trap!).

On an unrelated note, watch this space for a garage sale notice sometime soon. You'll need those options ... just in case.

Elder Care Seminar

Some of you have either been able to meet my parents recently, or at least heard about how my brothers' and I have recently been trying to care for them in this season of their life where they have more needs, but less strength to meet them. We've been trying to make the best decisions we can, but sometimes we find out later that it wasn't the best decision in the long run. Who knew? And then we get mixed advice, so we can't even determine if we did the right thing or not!

Others of you in our congregation have just gone through this, are just now starting to, or see it on the near horizon. Like me, perhaps you regret ignoring notices you've seen of "Elder Care" seminars, not thinking you needed to go to one, and now quickly realizing that you do. And if you search online, you'll soon discover that there are way too many resources to be able to navigate it all.

That's why I decided to speak with the folks at Heritage next door to see if they had good contacts for who could do a quality seminar for us. I learned two things - first, that they are fully equipped to put on a seminar themselves, and second, that there are far more issues to cover than a single seminar can possibly hope to address.

We don't have solid plans, yet, but at present, we are tentatively planning on hosting an overview seminar in the Spring to explain the kinds of issues that we need to think about, address them to modest degree, and then poll the crowd to see which issues they would like to see future, more in-depth seminars. We will announce these plans when they begin to firm up.

What I would like from you is a little feedback. What are your needs on the issue of caring for aging relatives? What questions do you have? What concerns do you have? What are the issues your friends and neighbors have? Please email me as much feedback as you can - that will help us tailor our overview seminar.

Also, this is a tremendous outreach opportunity! We want to invite churches in the neighborhood, and those who live near the church. Our goal is not necessarily to be the best church in the neighborhood, but to focus on being the best church for the neighborhood (to borrow a phrase from the Externally Focused Church). So look at this as an easy way to reach out to your neighbors. As we get this planned and produce hand-out literature, we are equipping you as an agent of the church to intentionally cultivate relationships to evangelize and disciple our world for God's glory.