Proverbial Media

What if we restricted ourselves to posting on social media according to the wisdom laid out in the Book of Proverbs?

The Book of Proverbs is a collection of pithy sayings of general wisdom, most of which is agreeable to even people who think little of a life of faith. Not intended to be a strict set of do's and don'ts, it promotes general principles of wisdom that shape a life of wisdom.

Given that so much of what is posted online is unwise, including things you post and things that I post, what if we ran posts through the grid of Proverbs before hitting "Update"?

1:10 My child, if sinners try to entice you,
do not consent!

Clickbait ("you won't believe what happens next...") has the sole purpose of generating revenue for advertisers. "What kind of farm animal are you" quizzes collect your personal information. And of course, there's the enticement of X-rated sites, which actually help feed the human trafficking industry!

3:3 Do not let truth and mercy leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

Don't toss truth or mercy when you post, respond, or debate. Rather, write them on your tablet. ;-) 

3:31 Do not envy a violent man,

and do not choose to imitate any of his ways;

Social media can be some of the most violent spaces you'll inhabit in a given day, because people can be anonymous or miles away when they post.

5:15 Drink water from your own cistern

and running water from your own well.

The context of this proverb is marital fidelity. The imagery is plain enough. Emotional affairs over the Internet are still forms of drinking from another's cistern.

6:6 Go to the ant, you sluggard;

observe its ways and be wise!

7 It has no commander,

overseer, or ruler,

8 yet it prepares its food in the summer;

it gathers at the harvest what it will eat.

Log off Facebook and go to the grocery store!

9:7 Whoever corrects a mocker is asking for insult;

whoever reproves a wicked person receives abuse.

8 Do not reprove a mocker or he will hate you;

reprove a wise person and he will love you.

9 Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still;

teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.

How many fruitless arguments have you gotten into? Why were they fruitless? In part, because the deck is stacked against Internet debates ever being fruitful - usually, one or both of the participants is a mocker, not a true debater. Those rare times when the people are wise and actually open to being instructed, however, can be quite fruitful for all.

10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension,

but love covers all transgressions.

What's your attitude? Because your words will come from your attitude. Will your attitude stir up dissension or cover someone's else's imperfections?

10:19 When words abound, transgression is inevitable,

but the one who restrains his words is wise.

More is not necessarily better. You don't have to have the last word!

11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace,

but with humility comes wisdom.

People who are generally humble can become annoyingly arrogant online.

12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own opinion,

but the one who listens to advice is wise.

Of course you think what you said is right. Otherwise you wouldn't have said it. You are right ... in your own opinion.

12:16 A fool’s annoyance is known at once,

but the prudent overlooks an insult.

You really don't have to respond to every verbal attack. No ... really ... you don't have to.

13:17 An unreliable messenger falls into trouble,

but a faithful envoy brings healing.

Ummm ... did you check the truth of that before you reposted? I don't care how much you agree with it ... if it's not true, then you're agreeing with a lie! And now you're spreading a rumor.

14:15 A naive person believes everything,

but the shrewd person discerns his steps.

"I saw it on the Internet, so it must be true." (Especially if it says what I already want to believe.)

14:17 A person who has a quick temper does foolish things,

Yup.

14:29 The one who is slow to anger has great understanding,

but the one who has a quick temper exalts folly.

Yup, yup.

15:1 A gentle response turns away anger,

but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

I have seen this time and time again ... find the common ground, find the positive in the other person's statement, compliment their good attitude even if you don't agree with that they said, and you'll be amazed at how much better the conversation goes.

15:4 Speech that heals is like a life-giving tree,

but a perverse tongue breaks the spirit.

Sticks and stones and words break my bones and my spirit. And yours.

15:32 The one who refuses correction despises himself,

but whoever hears reproof acquires understanding.

Wow - refusing correction is a form of despising yourself! Let that sink in (unless you despise yourself).

16:28 A perverse person spreads dissension,

and a gossip separates the closest friends.

What damage are you doing to someone else's relationships by what you say?

16:32 Better to be slow to anger than to be a mighty warrior,

and one who controls his temper is better than one who captures a city.

Wanna be a hero?

17:14 Starting a quarrel is like letting out water;

stop it before strife breaks out!

I have opened that plug in the water tank way too many times. You can't ever put that water back in through the spigot.

18:1 One who has isolated himself seeks his own desires;

he rejects all sound judgment.

This should be taped to every guy's computer screen. And perhaps all the gals', too.

18:13 The one who gives an answer before he listens -

that is his folly and his shame.

Of course, you've never done this, right?

18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love its use will eat its fruit.

Death and life. You have the power to bring both.

I could go on with the rest of the chapters, but I'm already in danger of violating 10:19.

Tyranny in Your Head

Oppression changes your brain. According to neuroscience research (see resources below for two examples), forms of oppression can physically alter the brain. Some would say that it "rewires" the brain. Our brains respond to repeated or sustained forms of oppression in order to adapt in ways that cause permanent changes. Recall that I have written in recent past about a similar phenomenon, that trauma also can cause changes in the brain that are detectable by brain scans.

The implications spur off into thousands of directions, from counseling to social justice to compassion to ministry. This is relatively new research, and I'm sure we'll be hearing much more about it. I am by no means qualified to speak authoritatively on this topic, but we do have a few people in our church who are currently learning quite a lot about it in a counseling context.

Where I'm intrigued is in the theology of fallenness. In the Fall of Man, humankind was altered. But it would be inadequate to focus on just one form of fallenness. We didn't just fall morally. We didn't just die spiritually. We didn't just lose a close relationship with God. All of this is true, but we also fell physically, including our brains. In short, we got "drain bamage." Our brains were no longer pristine, firing on all cylinders, capable of perfectly healthy decisions. "Adam? That boy ain't right in the head."

Furthermore, given that trauma and oppression further alter the brain away from health, we can cause even further physiological damage to one another's brains. By inflicting trauma, we can change another's brain. By oppressing others, we can change their brains. This means that even by lying to other people about who they are and what they are worth, we can cause negative change in their brains. If we continually tell a girl she's not valuable unless she's thin and pretty, if we continually tell the materially poor that they're just lazy, if we continually tell people God hates them (or treat them as if He did), if we continually tell people they need to behave better in order for God to accept them, we effectively kill part of their brains.

When our brains are damaged, it is harder for us to relate, succeed, behave, care for others, decide, and work. Which, in turn, only invites more lies about our worth, creating a vicious vortex of deteriorating self-identity. You can lie someone into the exact horrible thing you told him he was. This brings new depth to Jesus' words when He said that calling your brother a "fool" is like murder (Matt 5:21-26).

Salvation and restoration, then, would first be the grace to cover all the damage that has been done to us by being fallen. We believe Jesus offers exactly this covering with His own perfection. Second would be for us to fight oppression wherever we see it, which includes policing ourselves to never oppress people with our words - especially children, whose brains are developing rapidly. Denigration and performance-based acceptance are lies that kill. Third would be to reverse the damage by speaking restorative truth to others, especially about their worth in God's eyes. Fourth would be something only God can do - replace these broken, fallen, damaged bodies (including brains) with fully restored bodies. We believe this is the "blessed hope" (Titus 2:13).

Within the church, ministry must never assume that people who aren't responding to "plain truth" are stupid, lazy, or hopelessly rebellious. There is a part of everyone that cannot respond rightly to truth - we are fallen. As "ministers of reconciliation" (2 Cor 5:18), our task is to labor toward restoration. This means understanding the crippling effect that oppression and lies have on us physically. Perhaps you've seen commercials lately addressing "neuroplasticity," which employs certain mental and physical exercises that can rewire the brain toward a healthier state. Without understanding the patient process restoration requires, including restoration of a poorly wired brain, we will limit ourselves in what we hope to accomplish.

For those who know more about this than I do, I invite comments, additions, and corrections. My brain needs it.

Resources:
Allen E. Ivey and Carlos P. Zalaquett, "Neuroscience and Counseling: Central Issue for Social Justice Leaders," Journal for Social Action in Counseling and Psychology, Volume 3, Number 1, Spring 2011.

Beth Barila, Integrating Mindfulness Into Anti-Oppression Pedagogy, 2015.

My Greatest Ignorances

I don't know what it's like to be an African American. I rarely have to "read" the room when I enter, I usually don't have to wonder whether someone is responding to me based on who I am or based on my skin color. I've never had some people telling me I'm "too black" and others telling me that I'm "not black enough." Even when I've been the minority in our neighborhood in LA and in Kenya, I so infrequently fall victim to racism that I can't say that I've had to endure it. So even though I can have an opinion about racism, it's only from theory, not from experience. Therefore, let me measure my words about racism humbly.

I don't know what it's like to be a Syrian refugee. I do know what it's like to see homelessness and I do know what it's like to worry about the worst that could happen. But I don't know what it's like to go through what they are going through. And to be fair, when we're talking about that many people, we cannot say anything that would be true of every single one of them. Therefore, let me exceed my fear with a greater measure of compassion.

I don't know what's it's like to have been deeply wounded by a church or a religious leader. And so I don't have any way to understand someone's anger and bitterness toward the church. I can't tell you much about what you "ought" to do next in your life until I know more about the story of your life. I can't expect you to understand my church context if your church context is one of wounding and mistrust. Therefore, let me listen and understand your pain rather than tell you what you ought to feel.

I don't know what it's like to be financially poor. Even when I was in college living on mac and cheese with hot dogs, I wasn't poor. I had parents who would catch me if I needed it. I had a job good enough to keep the lights on, so I never got in that downward cycle of paying even more just to get the lights turned back on. I have never worried if I would have enough groceries. I never had to ask "Gas or bread?" I have never known what material poverty does to one's self-identity. Therefore, let me be more concerned about someone's self-identity than their bank balance.

I don't know what it's like to be financially rich. I've imagined it. Of course, my imagination is always optimistic. I don't know what it's like for others to feel like I'm obligated to them because I have plenty. Not really. I don't know the struggle of knowing when a nice car is too nice. Not really. I'm not constantly told I must be greedy and uncaring to have so much. I don't have people trying to build a "friendship" with me because they just want to get a large donation from me. And I don't know when giving too much actually hurts a church from all members being sacrificial givers as they ought. Therefore, again, let me be more concerned about someone's self-identity than their bank balance.

I don't know what it's like to be a representative, a senator, or a president. I don't know what it's like to make thousands unhappy by making decisions based on information that can't be made public. I've heard personal stories from a former representative who was pressured hard by his own party to compromise his personal convictions in order to gain political advantage, but I've never lived that. I have only watched this grown man reduced to tears. I really don't know what it's like to always make half of your audience mad no matter what. Therefore, let me refuse to spend more energy tearing leaders down than helping them do good things.

I don't know what it's like come from a single-parent household. It took me a long time to understand why other kids liked hanging out at our house. I thought it was me! But mostly, it was that our house was stable, peaceful, and predictable - steady and a bit mundane. I never had my lone parent necessarily absent just to pay the rent. I never had to lay my head on different pillows every few nights, or worse, never lay my head down on a pillow under the same roof as one of my parents. I never had to want a marriage completely different than my folks' had. Therefore, let me add a little of what's lacking for those who need some days that are just steady and a bit mundane.

I don't know what it's like to be divorced. Lots of people do, but I can't identify with it. I don't know what it's like to be released from an abusive relationship, and I don't know what it's like to have bad go to worse because reconciliation was unattainable. I don't know what it's like to divide time with children and struggle financially trying to pay for two households. I've never had most everything in my life defined by divorce. Therefore, let me be at least one thing in someone's life that isn't defined by divorce.

I don't know what it's like to be you. I never will. All the good, all the bad - I'll never know. And so, I'll never really know how my words, my actions, and even the looks on my face affect you. I won't ever know how your history will filter my intentions. There are times that I so very much want to tell you what to do and why, and sometimes, I even have the right answer. But I will invariably be astonished when you don't react as I would. Therefore, may I always help you be a better you and never expect you to be a better me.

Yeah, it's just a game ... however ...

How many hours did you spend on Royals baseball this year? How much money? Some of you, not so much. Others, a fair amount. I'm not being critical - I, too, spent quite a few hours and no small sum, and lately, quite a few antacids. Now, think about all the really serious Royals fans who spent far more time and money than you, and then add them all up. Then add in all the baseball fans for all these teams in the country. Then add in all the fans for all the professional sports. How many hours spent? How many billions of dollars spent? And that's just for one calendar year - how much over the last 30 years totaled together?* (Let's not even try to calculate in the world's fanbase for soccer.)

Why? Why have we as a society dedicated so much time and money for sports that we watch other people play? For a feeling! Most of us don't walk away from a game much richer. We don't get the trophies (instead, we spend even more money on t-shirts as our "trophies"). We don't get traded to better teams (as if there were any!). We do all this for a feeling. Or rather, for a set of feelings. We spend hours upon hours and buckets of money in order to feel something. I find that amazing! It's just a game, right? But I don't think it's necessarily bad.

First, it's a seven-month drama, and in this case, a drama with happy ending. There's a storyline with lots of different characters. There's conflict, not only in every game, but early in the season, with pitchers from other teams beaning our players, real conflict. Gordon gets injured and is out for a month and a half - will the team still be successful? Holland has to have arm surgery - will Davis be as good in the role of closer? We're six outs away from being eliminated in Houston - will we make it to the next round?

Then we have the life lesson of overcoming obstacles to achieve a goal. The 2015 season, especially on the heartbreak of being so close last year, is a great testament to enduring through obstacles, marching ever forward to a single goal. Management made some brilliant additions to the team in the offseason as well as midseason, each of them proving to be important for overcoming challenges that came our way.

Of course, there's a great lesson on teamwork, the various parts contributing the whole, all for a goal greater than any individual. Christian Colon gets one at bat in the World Series, and drives in the World Series winning run on a two-strike pitch. Terrance Gore, whose only job is to run fast, plays in only eight regular season games and only one postseason game, but changes the dynamic. Salvador Perez, the series MVP, didn't even get to catch the final outs, because he yielded to the speedier Dyson on the basepath. In fact, deciding an MVP was difficult because of the tremendous level of teamwork.

Plus, we know these guys (or we feel like we do). We get to know the players a little bit, their stories, their families. We celebrate because people we like were playing the game. Three players suffered the death of a parent, and we felt a little slice of those family stories. We await the imminent birth of Ben Zobrist's next child. We wait to see who Salvy will douse with water or how he will next embarrass Lorenzo Cain by posting another secret video.

One of the greatest effects was the sense of community around the city. We experienced community with people we might often disagree with on other issues: politics, how to solve racial tension, gender issues. People in the neighborhood, at work, in the store, and at the ballpark - we shared a sense of community with one another, high-fiving people we don't even know.

Sure, it's just a game. But because of this game, and especially this season, we got to feel something - we felt what we ought to feel about what truly is important. Life is a drama, and people have stories that matter. Facing and overcoming obstacles is long, hard work, but we need examples on how to do it. Through teamwork, we not only get more done, but we become better people. Getting to know who we work with is how our work becomes more than a job. And in the digital age, building community has to be more intentional than ever - baseball gave us a reminder we shouldn't be so angry with one another. All of these things that we spent so much time and money to feel through baseball are experiences we should also feel in our daily lives.

For followers of Christ, there's another lesson. Because of sports, for a moment, we are reminded how our journey in Christ will end - one day, there will be a postseason, filled with epic contests. And then after that, we are assured of victory, with a fantastic celebration. Because we know this is what the rest of this season holds for us, we can live now during the "regular season," confidently embracing the drama, striving together with teamwork to overcome obstacles, getting to truly know each other along the way in genuine community.

We should feel all those things in life. Baseball reminds us to. So, yeah, it's worth a little time and money.

* - Yes, I picked 30 years on purpose. :)